Accepting who you are… and being dam proud of it!!!!

When lack of confidence turns into Low self esteem

We all get times where were are not as confident as we should be in the things we do or we feel that we could be prettier, thinner, younger or even someone else. It’s human nature to be trying to reinvent ourselves or improve our skills and spend time judging ourselves on how we can be better. Issues arise when your personal dislikes about yourself turns into hatred and disgust and can then lead into further issues such as depression and self harm. It may sound like the two are worlds apart and a little drastic, but it can be a slow burner and in time you find yourself  thinking your worthless and begin to devalue yourself and allow others to do the same.

Low confidence

The difference between low confidence and low self esteem all comes down to how you face challenges or do you face them at all. For example i am dyslexic and this wasn’t picked up until i was studying at university. I always thought i was thick as i couldn’t spell, i struggled reading and got very frustrated because i couldn’t learn things or process information the same as my peers which knocked my confidence. I worked harder than everyone else to get mediocre exam results BUT i did achieve the results and i accepted that i just wasn’t that academic. Any time that i had to do a presentation or read, even now i tense up and dread the experience because i am not confident in doing it and i’m scared of what people think. Well….. being a teacher forced me to address my issues and continually work on my weakness’ and i have adapted my teachings to work to my skills because its what i always wanted to do. i would get anxious and nervous and wanted to quit many times, however i believed that i could achieve what i wanted and was willing to rise to the challenge.

Low self-esteem

Alternatively there are times where i struggle to attend social gatherings because my anxiety takes over and my mind works over time. At worse it got to the point where i accepted that i was worthless and i should be grateful that anyone would want to be in a relationship with me or be my friend and i had no value of myself. Its strange to say it now writing this in a happy place, however it is a demon i still have to face. I used to hate myself, i could not comprehend why anyone would want to be around me and i allowed people to take advantage of me and belittle me as i had felt it was justified. Luckily after yeas of therapy i have begun to value myself and through reflection and self discovery i finally understand who i am. As i mentioned, i struggle sometimes in social situations which i don’t know how to act or who to be. Being pregnant has been my hardest challenge as when you lack confidence/ self-esteem you can have a drink, a boogie, a laugh and if you make a fool of yourself then you can just blame it on the copious amount of drink you consumed. However when you are not drinking and have that mask removed, your then begin to question If people will like me for who i am? Am i interesting? How do i act around these people? Do they prefer me when i have had a drink?All these irrational fears that flood your body and creates anxiety. But when your anxiety then begins to affect how you value yourself and begin to remove yourself from facing your issues, you then begin to fall into the realms of low self esteem and you need to address this.

Looking at life in a different light (understanding ‘Shit happens’)

Over the last 4 years i have become more interested in spiritualism/ Buddhism and the reason for this is a needed a positive view on how the world works and to give me some hope that everything will be OK. So when looking into this i found this amazing phrase that has stuck with me and really does sum up life. ‘Shit Happens’ (I have paraphrased the actual quote). Basically what it means is that when we accept that bad things happen in life and we WILL face challenges you need to accept it. You will have to face it, it wont be nice but you WILL come out of it the other side. The reason for this proverb is really to open our eyes and acknowledge that bad things will happen to us and when it does happen we just deal with it instead of dwelling on it and responding with ‘WHY ME??’ When i realised this i began rethinking my perception on life, i looked at all the challenges i faced with a positive outlook and just dealt with the situation. I also believe that everything happens for a reason and even though not everyone believes in fate the one thing that it gives me is hope and i believe that we need hope in the world to be able to face the stressful world that we live in. This last year has not been a year i would like to face again but having hope that things will get better, drove me to trudge through the mud and get through the other side where i am now on the countdown to life changing events.

Accepting how fabulous you are

Once i looked at life differently i then felt confident in self assessing myself and looking at my strength and weaknesses. I was the queen at judging myself and could identify all the reason why someone would not like me and i encouraged that behaviour. I was the first one to point out how fat i was, dumb i was and i thought i was protecting myself from being judged when really all i was doing was belittling myself. After some soul searching (i know, very hippy dippy) and keeping a journal of my thoughts i could analyse the type of person i was and see myself as a second person. I saw this vulnerable person who just wanted to be loved and cared very deeply about her friends and family. She wasn’t a nasty, selfish person she had perceived herself over the years she was actually the opposite. The key to this is to see yourself as a third person. Look at all the negative qualities that you identify yourself and turn them into a positive. I have opened up and given you my list as a reference.

Over sensitive = Caring and Passionate– I do not like to be judged and i do not think anyone has the right to put me down. I accept that people may have an opinion, however i a not going to allow anyone to offend me personally and if they feel that they have the right then they are not worth my time. There is a massive difference between insults and  constructive criticism. I have never been very forthcoming when accepting it, however if it is needed to improve my performance then i will accept it, if it is a personal comment then it is invalid.

Selfish= Living my own life- Just because you do not follow the path of friends or family and you choose to do things following your own dream and instinct does not make you selfish. Since when did being selfish become such a crime? We have been told that you should never be selfish and that you should always think about everyone else. REALLY? when did it become such a crime to actually do something for yourself? we worry to much about how our actions are going to affect others and unless they are going to physically harm someone or create a great inconvenience then you should evaluate the situation thoroughly, however just because someone will be upset and doesn’t want you to do it, doesn’t mean you are selfish if you do decide to do it, whether it is moving out, traveling abroad, starting a new life, changing jobs, it is your life and you have to live it your way. Unless you are a parent of small children you ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for your parents, sibling or friends wishes. You have the right to live your life and the last thing you want is to live begrudging your family because you have lived in their shadows and before you know it its too late.

Ugly/unattractive/Fat = Unique and fabulous- yes i am slightly overweight and do not have supermodel cheek bones but i have a great arse and legs (below the knee) to die for. There are always going to be things that i would change but this is me. Yes i would like to be thinner but unfortunately i am too weak around an all you can eat buffet and tat is the sacrifice i have to make unless i want to put the effort in. Also how am i ugly????? i like my nose, eyes and cheeks, probably get rid of my double chin but i’m no way ugly and no one is. Every man and woman has a preference and is attracted to different people for example my guilty pleasure is Will Mellor and James Corden and neither of them are Brad Pitt or Tom Hardy. We live in a world where if there is something we do not like we can reshape it with clothes or contour it with Make up, we can colour our hair or get tattoos that enhances our confidence. Stop looking at what we do not have, look at what we do have and accept every roll, curve, scar and embrace your individuality.

Final Word

Be who you were born to be!!!! life is to short to judge yourself so harshly that you avoid leaving the house and experiencing life the way that you have dreamed of. When you start to diminish your own self worth and talk down to yourself you are moving heavily towards lowing your self esteem. You are on this planet and you have been given the privileged to live and to experience all that life has in store for you, so live it!!! we are all individual and we all have strength and weaknesses, we just need to ACCEPT who we are, The good, the bad and the ugly and own it. Not everyone is going to like you or accept you and that is their issue. Surround yourself with people that love you, respect you and are worth your time because when you let other dictate to you, your losing a little bit of your soul and eventually you will lose who the real you is.